Ann Marie Vancas-artist




Lessons # 1
when will you ever learn?
You just did

Lesson #2
Give your heart away but not your spirit.

Lesson #3
Base your dreams on YOUR measurement of happiness…
Not on other people’s limited expectations of you.

Lesson #4
Build a home not a house.

Lesson #5
If you are feeling restless…
Remember you are not a tree…
And you are free to move about the cabin…

Lesson#6
Don’t have a dream unless you are willing to be awakened
by the sacrifices it takes to fulfill it.

Lesson#7
The more people say you are crazy to try x y or z…
Not only should you try x y and z…but learn to sing the alphabet song while doing it.

Lesson #7
A little disciplined rebellion keeps you strong…

Lesson #8
Anger and indignance  can sometimes give you more courage than a double shot in your morning latte.


Lesson #9
lies will always give birth to more lies….


Lesson #10
the depth can be shallow…but the currents can carry  u away none the less…

Lesson #11
The truth is sometimes hard to take…swallow that shit with the best of champagnes…

Lesson #12
You will be wrong sometimes…
eat your mistakes with a side of queso and move the F on…

Lesson #13
Remember the moon is only beautiful because its light comes from the sun and not its self…
But the sun never asks for accolades ….

Lesson #14
Always be aware of what time it is…
The time is now…

Lesson #15
Always be humble…there will always be people better than you at something…
but you will always be better than someone at something else..






There is a full moon behind those storm clouds…I said to myself…

I met someone like you once.…down by the Mississippi…
On a night like tonight…people could be heard laughing….music playing.
But there she was…weather balmy…and she dipped her soul in the thought of going in….
testing the temperature…
Just then the rain began to fall.
She turned and said to me…I wanted to do great things…important things... But I failed..
I look to this river…this great and mighty river…it sustains all life…constantly flows..
Without constraint... without thought of complaint…
So tonight…I want to be with this river…it’s the only way I  feel I  can  learn of it’s secrets…
Let it carry me to the ocean…all the way… whispering tales of life on its river banks…
of life within…where fresh and salt water meet in a brackish compilation …where life fights to survive…
carry me with it….
all the while…the goal is to be covered  in the bedclothes of the ocean…
and the beauty of clear water….

I wondered  then what to say to her…if anything...
I said….
Look to the stars…watching you without sound…without complaint...

I cannot see them… she answered...they rest in that place beyond the clouds.

 Exactly…I said


But there they are…watching over you… Do not disappoint them… for they have no arms for which to reach you.

Only the reflection of the sun’s love to light your way…
Do not discount what you cannot see… You see…the eyes are the least of the senses.
Instead…try and see with the vision of your heart.
It is the most painful of the senses…in which we see…
But the pain is worth the effort… for in this way… we see what is the Truth.

She accepted this…
Thanked me and walked back to the place of laughter and music.

I looked to the moon and said…you see?
There is another like you…
Hidden behind the clouds…such as you are…





The sea creatures woke her from her long slumber…
“Istina it’s time to go to the river banks.”

The warm currents were billowing her long flame locks…lulling her back to sleep.
“Why??? Why must I go to the bank?” Like a petulant child she sulked and covered her face…
Concealing her tears…
“I hate those that live there...” she wailed….
“Leave me at once back  to my slumber”
“There is someone to meet you…His name is Haos.”
“let him wait….”
She swam up out of curiosity to peer at him through the water.
He sat there…large eyes full of sadness…full lips downturned.
His shoulder bowed in defeat.
He at once turned and saw her…Her red hair fanning out at the top of the water giving her away…. He leapt up and ran towards her.
Terrified she swam back toward the bottom.
“I don’t like his sadness….I don’t like his brokenness …I know you want me to help him…but I cannot!”
“But you must!”   The all said in unison
“He has killed Love…and wants more to destroy. He does not understand that which he is playing with.
His soul is already scarred so much…that I fear there is no reviving it.”
“You are his last hope! “
“I cannot!!”
“You must!”
Sadly...in defeat…she swam up and out of the water.
He then marveled at her beauty. Her eyes the perfect camouflage from the blue waters she emerged from.
Instantly he felt the tension from his scars loosen…suddenly he needed to possess this creature.
He tried to at once capture her in his arms.
She cried out….and leapt to the nearest rock…just out of reach.
She knew he must not touch her…lest the two worlds merge.
He assumed she was like the land creatures he was so used to…
She used her copious locks to veil her face.
She then listened to his story.
HE wanted a wife…someone to accept his brokenness.
Istina said…
“What you want is yet another heart to devour…I cannot provide this for you..”
“I cannot live in the prison of your memories”
“My home is within the peace of the water…it’s beauty is without complication.
Your life is hard…you love like an animal at a trough…a banquet where all must be sampled…You live without conscious…You version of love is to devour and to destroy…you seek to fill a hunger that will never be satiated.”
“What if we fly away from here…to live within the company of the constellations…Help me to forget this pain…” he begged.  ” While there is still time…”
“ I cannot…in fact…I must go back to my home…” she replied…eyes downturned.
At this moment the moon smiled…. knowing Istina would never fly away from those sleepy tributaries.
“The dawn will be here soon…and I will leave you this…” she said…
At that moment…Haos heard the most beautiful of sounds…
It can be described as music…but more like the winds caress on aspen leaves…
The howling of a wolf cub in the distance…. The mourning dove’s call for its mate…. the silence of a falling star.
He closed his eyes...and crossed over to another place… his worries left in all those yesterdays.
He could only remember the effects of the song. And he would never for the rest of his life…forget it.
He tried many times…yet he could never ever recreate it…
For the time his heart listened to the melody…he understood why she was not to be his.
Bitter sweet…she swam away…
Having left him for that which he did not come for…






Who does not want to be stolen…ransomed…. held in their captors heart?
Listening to it beating…its rhythm consoling you into a deep sleep.

The thief knows nothing stolen ever really belongs to him. But really…to the one he has stolen from.
When the blue shadows start to gather around the trees…
The thief will feel the familiar rustling in his heart.
And he will know that it will be any day now.

The space here is confining says the captive….
Her wings are cramped and folded inside this beating heart. And she wonders how they will appear once unfolded….and dried in the sunlight.
She know that that would be any day now.

The thief lays his head down…. watching the sun slip behind the shadows of the trees…
He knows….any day now…she will no longer be around.
Then what is there left for a thief to do?
Steal another…?
He  again felt the rustling in his heart…and tried not to think about it.
But he vowed he would keep holding on.

When the sun rose…the rustling turned to an aching pain.
And the thief knew that he could not keep his captive…but he had to hold on begging her not to fly.

The captive awoke from her warm chamber…
Her restless eyes saw the sliver of the sun rays…turning the former blue shadows…a bright violet.
She rolled her wings first left. Then right…
She climbed out of the thief’s heart…causing great pain…
He thenfelt the left chamber collapse…then the right.

She looked back on the death of his heart…
almost turned back…but she noticed her wings were completely unfolded…
and she at that moment could not resist the urge to fly.
So she did….








She told her bestie….
You need to wake up…we need to leave this place…
She was bleary eyed…and wanted sleep.
But she needed to be out of the house before Jay woke.

she said…these bright lights..are not going to be the ones who guide my path.
You know…those Hollywood Hills…and the boy who waited for her there…
Were calling her…
But she ignored them…

She grabbed her stuffed bear and was out the door…
They watched the bleary eyed neighbors stumble to their cars….
coffee sloshing…
Heading to their offices…
It was then she noticed… The affluent nature…of Beverly Hills.
What a different life she lived…
Never in her life did she miss the taste of home more…

The cab screeched to a halt in front of them…
Later they got their tickets…
and sticky buns…and were heading to boarding…
But not before she stopped by a payphone…

She wept… and told her roommate…
Iv’e have a change of dreams…Im on my way back home…
Whatever I am looking for…I will find in Texas

The plane taxied down the runway…
and was off…

It wasn’t until she called her roomie when she landed…
The Earthquake had hit LA( just after her plane took off)
All planes were grounded…
And how the hell did I get out…??
I told her…
Because when a Texan has in her heart…she needs Texas…
nothing will stop her from getting home.

Meanwhile…the boy in LA awoke to news of and earthquake
and knew she was gone…
He did not even worry about the aftershocks…
All he knew was that she was gone…

And so he set out to find her…
How selfish….he was foolishly thinking this bird would give up her wings….
and would cease to fly….
In an odd change of events for LA ….
a light rain started to fall…

He thought as he looked over the city….
She is somewhere out there…and I’m going to find her…
Just then…
The one who loved him…awoke…
and he lied and told her about the  earthquake…
That he had to quickly go to the studio…and check the set…
The one who loved him fell back asleep…
Blissfully unaware of the death of their love…
had occurred in his heart.

He left in the rain…
In his mind…calling her name…and In his heart…beating out of his chest…
Palms sweaty as he started his car….
He telephoned Jay…
How could you have let her get away?
Find her…..
I don’t care if you have to go back to Texas…
There was something about her that was different from the others..
And that “different” was what made him a mad man.

His Aston Martin sped out of the drive…winding down the hill…
Avoiding the road blocks from the earthquake…
rushing to the studio…praying there would be no more aftershocks.
He made it past the guard…
No one was at the studio…
Thank God.

It was safe to call her now…
He got the roommate…
He wiped the tears from  his eyes….
He said…I’ve got to find her…
The roommate said…
she does not want to be found…

To be Continued…



 

I know that my father has my life  prearranged.
But I want to leave the castle. I have to let him know that it’s time for me to live my own life.
I want to see what is in the world…and the walls of his protection need to be removed first.
He has taught me about the wolves…and the cayotes…and how they love to destroy all that is innocent…and beautiful.


I think Daddy…that I will stay out of the  forest for now. I think instead..that I will go to the ocean.
It’s there that I feel at home….
Because you taught me to trust you when we surfed in that ocean..and the waves tossed me…to the point that I almost drowned.
But your strong arms grabbed me..and brought me to my rightful place…so that my lungs could once again fill with air…
It was at this time I was quite shocked I could not breathe like the sea creatures…and I knew of their superiority…


Sleeping at night…listening to the surf…when I awoke at my usual time of 3Am…the ocean was awake with me always.
Later I learned to surf those waves…and at once…I felt its great hand pick me up and carry me…
trusting in its power….I felt at that time..we were equals.


Is it such a coincidence I was born in the sign of water?
but on the cusp of a fire sign…
And such has this ruled my life….
I know Daddy..you don’t like astrology…but you cannot deny the irony…


I know that my romantic tendencies…were taught to me by the water…
I will forever feel possessive of the ocean…thinking that it belongs to me only…
And I need to remember it must be shared by all.
But I just cant help it….
I do not like to share the things I love.
But like a child…I am learning to do this.


All bodies of water fascinate me…
But It is the Fire who will destroy me…
so is it any wonder.. the water quenches that?
I know Daddy that you worry about me…but you should not….
I may seem sad sometimes…in my life..in my far away expression….
but it’s because I like to keep a little bit of sadness…
as a momento …








Colours Bleed to Blue.

The days that the sky… the ocean…and the earth kissed in a fiery embrace.
The heavens wept…and shed copious tears…
For those unsuspecting…asleep in their beds…traveling to and from.
A large raging body of water…flowing over the very familiar places we call home…
People…possessions..pets…
all were caught up in it’s raging torrents.
For those whose lives were once at some type of semblance to normalcy and familiarity…
were at once torn by such violence.
 They had no choice other than to survive.
And there was only one way they could survive…
Humanity did what was as natural as breathing…and that was to Love...
to trust a stranger…to not question anything but whether or not there was a capacity to save a life.
And for some…placed value on a stranger’s life higher than their own.
The only way to have such bravery. Such thoughtlessness…was at first to Love.
This was the ultimate Love..
The ultimate sacrifice…
the Love that seeks nothing in return…
It rose up higher than the waters that swept over our fragile humanity.







 


Logic can only be cold.
Water can be hot and cold…
Emotion can be both.

I want to talk of love…because so many think of this as only an emotion.
But love can only be a thing…something that can be given…taken...received.
If we want to take it to the next extreme…it can be even considered a living thing.
a living being.
and in such way I write with a Capital “L”

 It can affect our emotions…even our physical being...
Our brains and our senses all are affected by it...

Can Love be detected by logic? Only when we study the emotions I believe.

Logic cannot detect love in the same was we cannot see the air.
It has to be coloured by something… the senses can only see love.
We cannot find it by intellectualizing about it.
The senses ponder this by nature... music…art…literature…and of course, other human beings.

It can also cause such  great pain that some avoid Love in the same way one avoids food we know to make us sick.
And in the same way...cause such extasy some will become addicted...and seek it at all costs....
Then there are others who give love away as such a generous soul does with unlimited funds...never thinking if they will get a return on their investment.
Because they know that love has no limits to its generosity...

There is nothing more beautiful than falling backwards in to the pool of love…
But for those who do not know how to swim…this is the as terrifying as death.



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